It just hit me today, as I removed a syringe from the fridge to warm to room temperature, how much prepping my injection reminds me of prepping for a lethal injection. A little melodramatic yes, but it’s an observation I can’t fail to notice. I know the injections are a way to slow the progression of Multiple Sclerosis but, they are also a daily reminder of the fact that I am sick. As if I could ever forget anyway.
I am a hermit due to MS, for the most part. I stay locked in my apartment with the air conditioning set to 64 BOT air conditioners, turning my little place into a refrigeration unit. With heat being my biggest enemy. Balance and fatigues being a close second. Although sometimes they all like to gang up on me at once.
It’s all good. I get my boy 3 days a week and for three days I don’t really think about being sick, except to take my injection. It’s all good.
Day 76 – Stomach
Day 75- Belly
So for the first time the belly injection hurt. Most like because I had to try a new spot to avoid necrosis. Not pretty getting necrosis on your skin.
Today’s been a good day, even though Shea wasn’t here. Birthday is next week, can’t believe I’m going to be 34. I never thought I’d make it to 19 but here I am. What a wonderful ride I’ve had so far. Thank God.
Day 71 – Left Hip
Not much pain for this injection, though I wasn’t really thinking about it.
Shea has been here since about one, I’ve had him since a little before 12. I was greeted by a loud “Daddy!” and a big hug that knocked me into one of his grandma’s living room chairs. He’s always so excited to see his daddy and when mommy comes to get him here he’s excited to. I love that he loves his parents so much. At least he’s happy, if not oblivious.
Day 70 – Right Thigh
Shit was a little painful but it’s done. Still some pain at the site but it’s manageable.
Dad’s out of the hospital. Not much they can do with him right now and nothing more he WANTED done right now. I went out driving with my parents and that was stressful. I haven’t driven since November and they act like I’m just learning to drive. It’s very stressful trying to live life as a slightly disabled person when you’re treated like totally disabled by others. Grr. But dad’s home and looks, and says he feels, better than when he left on Thursday. YAY!\
I haven’t really been keeping up with the daily aspect of this blog, due to turmoils in my personal life. My dad has been in the hospital since Saturday. He had a growth removed today and they wanted to perform surgery tomorrow to remove two large growths from his stomach/colon area. He doesn’t want to stay any more and would rather not which I can’t blame him for. However. I know I would suffer any pain to be alive for my child. And I know that he is needed by my mother and his family, even though we may be too old or too wrapped up in our own lives to show it.
GI cancer runs in my dad’s side of the family. My grandmother died of colon cancer and my sister is surviving with stomach cancer, so I don’t find it hard to believe that it’s a possibility for my dad too. He hadn’t had a colonoscopy in 45 YEARS! I know it’s not the greatest thing but, I’m all set to schedule mine since they say that you should begin screening 15 years from the age of a sibling or parent, and my sister was diagnosed at 49, so guess what? I’ll be 34 in 16 days.
Day 69 – Left Thigh
I did it quick and it turned out bloody. As was capping the needle to dispose of it the needle come out through a side of the cap and lodged in my thumb. Not a great moment but, it was survivable.
The hardest races to run are the ones you run alone. I knew when the doctors told me Multiple Sclerosis was a chronic lifelong disease, it wasn’t going to be fun. When I read more about it and the slow debilitation and downward progression, I refused to accept it would happen to me. I know people who have has MS much longer than me who don’t show any signs and live normal lives. But my work and play til I drop lifestyle took me too far. I went three years without insurance, so without medication. Overall it wasn’t a good situation and it took it’s toll.
I’m always a bit off balance, I have a swollen, pains and needle, numbness in my feet and my one finger, and I get so fatigued walking for a few minutes that I want to drop. Not a great way to run a race but, one I run in the wind and rain. All alone to the finish, one way or another. And that’s all I can hope to do for now. Keep running the race and try to make it until they find a cure or until my race is done.
Day 67 – Left Arm
Funny how you get used to sticking a needle in yourself everyday over the course of 67 days. Who would have thought you could get used to causing yourself pain with to good feeling after-wards? Well I have pretty much gotten used to it. Day 66’s injection hurt for about 40 minutes but today’s is just a little sore.
Shea is being a maniac, has been all day. He spoke to Grandpa on the phone. My dad seems to be doing alright. More tests tomorrow. We’ll see how everything goes.
Day 65 – Right Thigh
Nothing new, I was too busy to notice any weird reactions or pain. Took my son to this huge kiddie park in Lyndhurst with my sister, niece, and mom. Shea played and ran his heart out. I pushed him on the swing for about 20 minutes and he was doing pull ups on the toddler jungle gym. Unbelievable! He played, came home, took a bath, ate dinner, and crashed in bed right after. Poor little guy; played hard, sleeps hard.
Day 64 – Belly Shot
Why do I bother?? Anyone?
Day 63 – Right Hip
My injection hurt like hell today. It took about an hour for the stinging and site pain to subside, but I didn’t use my ice pack so it’s my own fault.
Big bro came by to help me write some letters and stuff. If I didn’t owe so much money I’d have been horrible bored all day. The rest of the day dragged along on it’s boring ass until my parents came over for dinner. My parents are a drama all their own. But I love those old goofy geezers.