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Monthly Archives: March 2011

Day 281 – Belly shot.
Injection went easy, as usual for the belly injections. No swelling, redness, or itchiness. At least not yet.

Fell asleep at around 7am til 130pm. Felt exhausted all day after I woke up. Now I’m in bed trying to go to sleep and I just can’t. Oh the joys of Multiple Sclerosis. Well at least I don’t have to worry about waking up early to drive down and pick up my son, his mom was kind enough to volunteer to bring him up herself. I still want to go to sleep in order to be awake for him. Wish me luck.


Day 280 – Right hip –
While I continue to have large hive like reactions around my old injection site, today’s injection went pretty well. No pain and no reaction so far. Although the itchy , red welts that mark my injection sites currently, didn’t show up until days later.

Things seem to be going well overall. Finances are looking stable. Again for now. The threatened government shutdown could put a stop to my disability checks, which would definitely SUCK. Though it could be worse I guess.

I need to try and wake up at a decent time tomorrow. Need to take care of a few things early in the morning. I need to wake up at a normal time, which means going to bed before 3am tonight. Let’s see if I can accomplish that tonight.

While all my friends and couples around the world marvel at the beauty of their lover’s every kiss. I wonder how many others were kissed the same way. As they revel in the ecstasy of every touch, I’m reminded of how simple it is to replace someone else’s name with mine. It’s not that I don’t believe in love, it’s just that I’ve been on the wrong side of much too many times to think that my imagined version of “love” is the only, truest, and best version.

Love is a word that can mean many things to many people. I was once told by a childhood love affair of mine that, “I just don’t know, it’s like the magic is gone.” I answered that there was no such thing as magic and we didn’t live in a fucking fairy tale. How could I have known that I’d gotten the gist of it at the ripe old age of 16.

Don’t get me wrong. I was once a huge romantic. I listened, in the dark, to prophets of doom on the radio but, I always imagined someone who would see through to everything in my soul. A John Hughes happy ending. The movies we grew up with that made us think everything was good and fair in the world. And like Jay and Silent Bob after being led down the road to Shermer, Illinois. We found out, THERE WAS NO FUCKING SHERMER, ILLINOIS. It was all part of someone’s wishful thinking. John Hughes obviously spent his high school Years fantasizing about those same scenarios he wrote about.

But, the world is not Somekind Of Wonderful, with a happy ending for the kid from the wrong side of town, the punk, tomboy romantic, the poor lost rich girl, and a fitting end for the bad guys. It’s far from as perfect as we think that would be.

I learned this when I was 18 taking my best-friend’s girl to an abortion clinic. It didn’t happen, thank god, but after the baptism it felt like it for me, with as much as I saw that little boy. But, this is the way of the imperfect world we live in. 17-18 years later, we live on and hope things turned out right. I hope MY little boy understands why his parents split up, and he grows up loving both of us, and grows up well. But, that’s all we’re left with is hope.

And for a cynic…..that’s nothing at all.

Day 278- Went well injection-wise. Loaded up my auto-ject and easily injected the back of my arm.
Had a pretty bad day overall. Started to lose the strength in my elbows doing some light exercise. Then almost lost my knees in the shower. I barely made it out of the shower, pretty much became a wet noodle.

After some relaxation, that didn’t return any of my strength it was time for dinner. The pizza I ordered from, the newly opened Pizza Hut, never arrived today. It was 55 minutes for the normal wait and after 75 minutes I called them back up and discovered the order had NEVER been placed! The person I spoke to the 2nd time offered to expedite the order. They’d have it ready in a half hour. I said no thanks, I’ll order from Domino’s.

So, approximately 20 minutes later we were all eating Domino’s pizza.

Finally, a happy ending.

I’ve been wondering lately. My Multiple Sclerosis symptoms took a turn for the worse last year and generally keep me from safely doing things like walking without a cane and getting up after sitting for long periods of time like sitting at a bar. I can’t even risk having one drink.

I’ve started to feel more and more alone after my symptoms got worse. Seems that friends have become scarce. Don’t know if they fear me hurting myself while I’m out with them or the old football jinx that you never visit an injured teammate because you don’t want to think of yourself that way.

Feel like I’ve been put in the closet; out of sight out of mind. At least that’s the way I feel. I’ve been left on my own but, I communicate with you. So I’ve been doing pretty well combating isolation.

If you’ve been feeling isolated and alone, due to a chronic illness, please feel free to communicate here and check out this article on while you’re at it look around the site for forums and other things to help you keep touch with others. It’s very important.


But, I mean I really lost a day. I remember sitting down and typing yesterdays blog. Somehow I guess it never got posted and disappeared back into the depths of my laptop. THAT’S never happened before.

Wow..Today is THE MOST DON’T EVEN WANT TO GET OUT OF BED ALL DAY LAZY DAY of the current year. The only reason I accomplished anything today was because I had an appointment with my pain management doctor. Who I must say is one of the best overall doctors I’ve had in a while. The guy doesn’t want to keep me doped up and numb and he works WITH me to figure out what meds would do me better.

I’m on Baclofen treatment right now which should help with my spacicity and help me walk without a cane. YAY!!! It’s been doing minor good so fay and we just upped the dosage. Wish us luck. I don’t have a neurologists visit til May and I’m currently in the market for a new neuro. I know the University of Medicine in Jersey has one of the best Multiple Sclerosis departments in the country but, I can’t deal with semi-annual visits. I want to be able to schedule appointments when weird shit happens.

Copaxone is going well but, I’ll have to wait for the next MRI to see how effective it’s been.. Until then I wait and see.


Day 271 I hate my LIFE!!! And not because of my injections. I had made plans to go out for my friend’s birthday after going to see a band play with my other friend and woke up at 10:30am and again at 6pm knowing it wasn’t going to happen.

I feel like a 70 year old grandmother. My hips are killing me and the hurt to walk. I don’t know why, because I don’t do any strenuous activities. I feel like an action figure that had its’ legs ripped off and stuck back on wrong. It feels like I should have bruises on my hips but, they are free and clear. Just another night home alone thanks to MS. Yipee.

Day 270-WOW has it been that long?

Today’s shot was an adventure. Not because of anything major just because of my own stupidity. I loaded my Autoject, which I finally requested after it became too difficult to self inject my hips. Well I forgot to take the cap off the injection, so when I hit the trigger and didn’t feel anything I looked at the autojector and took the cap off. So, after watching my daily injection stream across the room like a kid’s squirt gun, I put all my equipment away til later. AND DIED LAUGHING! And tried again 6 hours later.

Today was a good day. Spent 6 hours or so with my best friend’s son and wife. It was a great day, just bullshitting and watching our kids play. They had been 1 year olds last time they saw each other. Shea was super friendly as usual. They socialized pretty well.

Oh yeah, today marked 7 days without meat for me. I decided to give vegetarianism a 2nd shot. It’s been 5 years since I started eating meat again and I’m pretty tired of it. I like the way I looked and felt a lot more when I was a vegetarian. I’m giving some serious thought to becoming a vegan again. I like the lifestyle and dedication of it.

Thanks for sitting through this and BE WELL.

Damned If You Don’t has hit the printers!! Finally get to see one of my works in mainstream print! Look for an early April release date!

Wow, I haven’t blogged since February huh? Someone needs to be my ass kicker assistant and remind me about all this.

I have nothing new to report, Copaxone injection-wise. I have started on a new short story that sure to make you forget all about the bedbug epidemic sweeping the nation. You’ll and read the story to get that picture out of your head.

June sees the release of MASTERS OF HORROR : DAMNED IF YOU DON’T. I have a short story in this one so you better pick it up.

Some of the darkest horrors are those that we choose to inflict on ourselves. In the hands of the MASTERS OF HORROR, the evils of drug use, alcoholism, scarification, obesity and obsession have been amplified into bloodcurdling cautionary tales…

19 Terrifying tales–and a nonfiction detoxification guide–await you within. Sacrifice your vice with the MASTERS OF HORROR. You’re literally DAMNED IF YOU DON’T.

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