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Every hour of every day, someone else is diagnosed with MS. MS defined my 31st birthday. No parties,  my present was a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis after a week in the hospital. It may have hit me harder than normal. Within 6 months my mood swings and heat sensitivity had cost me my career. In the next 2 years I’d lose equilibrium, endurance, and see my feelings of worthlessness, and my flawed attempts to make myself feel worth something, take more of my health and my family away from me. I don’t ever want another human being to suffer all I have or worst. I don’t ever want my son to give up, like I first did.That’s why I registered for Walk MS 2012 and that’s why I’m asking you to support my fund raising efforts with a tax-deductible donation.

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society is dedicated to ending the devastating effects of MS but they can’t do it without our help. It’s faster and easier than ever to support this cause that’s so important to me. Simply click on the link at the bottom of this message. If you prefer, you can send your contribution to the address listed below.

Any amount, great or small, helps to make a difference in the lives of people with MS. I appreciate your support and look forward to letting you know how I do.

P.S. If you would like more information about the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, how proceeds from Walk MS are used, or the other ways you can get involved in the fight against MS, please visit nationalmssociety.org.

Click here to visit my personal page.
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639…kind of getting used to the injections, not that I ever really and a problem with needles. It’s just that now, it’s become second nature. I was told I act older, more disabled then I am, more than once today. They pretty much stopped short of calling me a hermit. Such is life with MS, I don’t have, nor want to waste, the energy, strength, or coordination I have on a given day. So, I’m not a kid. When you’ve lived life they way I have, you count yourself lucky to have gotten old.

Interesting news from across the Atlantic.

Research Proving Link Between Virus And MS Could Point The Way To Treatment And Prevention.

587 Back of left arm:
Yeah I know 587 was on my blog for Tuesday, but that was actually Monday’s that I didn’t get to until 2am Tuesday morning. And my math was f#cked up because rather than daily, I’ve been injecting every other day, trying to stretch out my last refill.

Medicare card and paperwork came in the mail yesterday. Wonder how I’ll be able to budget all this. Even with medicare the monthly expense for my medication is looking like it may be in the neighborhood of $1000+ Keep your fingers crossed.

Be well

Seems I blew by injection 500, 86 nights ago! Should be 587 but, I’m trying to stretch the last few injections of Copaxone seeing as how they are the last for a while. I’ve got my application out to AssistRX and hopefully I qualify. I don’t know what options i have other than that. I don’t make enough on my disability check to cover my rent, phone, electric, food for myself and a three year-old, a monthly “High-Risk” insurance policy, and the inevitable co-pay. Our esteemed governor has decided that if you make more than $900 monthly on disability, you no longer require medicaid. Does he not know that the median rent in New Jersey is around $1000 a month, unless you live in a subsidized project, which has a 2 year plus waiting list.

I guess he’s too busy embarrassing our state with his Tony Soprano antics, campaigning for Mitt Romney. Funny, Gov.Christie comes out against “The Jersey Shore”, and then acts like a member of the cast every chance he gets. Enough…

Day 597-Back of right arm
Had to ask mom for help tonight with my injection, as I tried my best to keep the shots 2 inches from the previous weeks. I’ve been having issues with body temperature lately. Last night and tonight where 37* outdoors, my thermostat set to 65* with drafty windows and a huge draft from the A/C still in my bedroom window, and I had to place a cold towel on my head and my T-shirt collar was/is moist from sweating. I don’t know wat else to do…open a window? Oh the joys of MS.

Be well!

Thanks to the wonderful governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, my medical coverage has been cut off. I’ve been procrastinating with the application for AssistRX for much too long now. I have 7 days of Copaxone left, 3 injections left until my 500th skin piercing. Other than the occasional itchy hive or bruise, I don’t even really notice the injections anymore.

Well, i have my son tonight and don’t really have much time for blogging but, really he’s the reason I don’t just curl up and die.

Be well!

What better way to start the New Year then a poem written for a friend who was taken much to soon; a friend who forced the issue of dedication and getting your words heard/read.

Through the course of this tortured existence
I’ve given up on every dream
My heart’s been pierced by this doubt
And I’m much too weak to scream

I can’t see through the darkness
Like others seem to do
Sometimes when I’m lost in sadness
I think that I see you

But the angels won’t call my name
In this night I’ll be alone
Searching blindly for my home
The angels won’t call my name
Disappointment comes like rain
I know that I’m to blame

I think, “Will they ever know me”
Will I ever cross their mind??
Will they feel what I am saying?
Memorize my every line

I can’t see the lights above me
Like others think I should
Sometimes, lost in the moment
I really think I could

But the angels won’t call my name
In this night, I’m all alone
I can’t see through the rain
Angels won’t call my name

There’s a knock on the door
And the music fades
And the tape’s stopped running on the songs we made
I can’t see the bright lights
As we pack up all our gear
Everything I just dreamed of
Disappears into my fear

And the crowds won’t call my name
On this stage I’ll be alone
Trying to give up all this pain
But the angels won’t call my name
The music won’t ever play
Sitting quietly at home

Through the course of this tortured existance
I’ve given up on every dream……….

Razorlines and Vicodin | WritersCafe.org.

It’s been quite a long time since I’d posted a new blog. Breaking all my promise of keeping everyone involved. Two weeks ago I started walking without my cane and not feeling as weak as I had. It was really an overnight change. Seems, that I finally went into remission after a year long relapse.

Still taking Copaxone, haven’t had the eye exam required before I start on Gelinya. Fuck i procrastinate.

My son, Shea, turned THREE on May 22nd. We threw him a Thomas Party. I even BAKED the Thomas cake! God, it felt good to be able to do something I hadn’t done in over a year. Doing it for my son felt even better. i even picked him up for the first time in over a year, without fear of falling. THAT, felt even better. You start to appreciate the little things in life when you have Multiple Sclerosis.

The sad reality is I can’t even think of MS right now, and this is supposed to be an Ms blog. I’ve been sitting home, reminiscing, crying about my son’s mother. She even texted me once, “what does Best Western” mean to you?”. When I texted her back what it meant to me, her reply was that she couldn’t remember anything good, just the bad that had happened.

I’ll fill you in, we had decided to go to Warped Tour ’06, at that point we weren’t engaged yet. A girl I had a sexual encounter with and worked with, texted something that upset her. We ended up fighting at Warped Tour in Pittsburgh. But there was a ton of special memories that happened that day. And for me, before the argument and on the way home, it was when I decided I wanted to marry her. This happened again on our flight back from Florida in ’07. A woman I hadn’t seen since ’05 texted me on the flight home.She didn’t believe me, I know, but, she didn’t leave me. She was/is an incredibly strong woman.

I was a complete jerk after my ex, Rachel, had broken up with me.I had left my ex-wife for her and after ten months it was over. She left me via IM on my first day of work at a new job. So after her I became a womanizing jerk.My exploits during that time were legend, and my son’s mother, having been a friend since before the break up, knew EVERYTHING.

I don’t know exactly what happened to convince her to pack up our son and leave me. It was right after a hospital stay for an exacerbation, and my unemployment had run out. I had so much on my mind at the time, I didn’t realize anything was wrong. I was trying to keep us in our apartment. She had been saying before the break up, that we should go back home and not spend the last of my savings. she had threatened me with leaving if i didn’t go to the hospital during my exacerbation. Then she left me on the day I got home. I guess she really had time to think about how horrible I was while she was at her parents on those weekends she had started to go away.

She says she hates my personality, that I’m too quick to make friends and that I flirt with everyone without realizing. She says she loves me but, can’t let herself go back to that place she was in before. I say, I realize what an asshole I was, I know the horrible things I did and let happen, I also know how important she was to me, and how I’m willing to crawl on my hands and knees for the chance to show her.

I’ve been listening to the most depressing songs I could find today. But, i realize the song she asked me to download for her and make a CD of, “Jar Of Hearts”, is about us. She may not realize it, I always read into song lyrics way too much but, it is us.


That should be the Republican campaign slogan. All we hear about is Paul Ryan’s plan. It’s very easy for an upper class or upper middle class white middle aged person to say let’s cut Medicare and Medicaid. Have him walk in our shoes or roll on our wheels for a day. Hell he wouldn’t last an hour.

Quietly during Obama’s 1st years he basically signed into fast track certain chronic illnesses for Social Security Disability. The Democrat’s Health Care Bill eliminated denying healthcare for pre-existing conditions and dropping coverage because of a developed medical condition. But, the health care law sucks.

10 Multi-billion dollar corporations made massive profits last year and paid little to no tax because of the current tax code. The tax rate DECREASES rather than increases the higher up on the income level you go. What? How does this make? So they’ll take away my small disability check and my parents’ or grandparents’ so they can hand it over to the Upper Class of America?

OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THE CLASS WAR! Because the bottom line of all this; is killing the middle-class.

But, this isn’t a political blog. Just one poor guy, fighting a daily struggle against Multiple Sclerosis.

Day 295: Belly
The belly injections always go so easy. Probably because of the pillow I carry on there.
If you’ve read this blog before you’ll remember that the hip injections SUUUUUUCK! Yesterday was no better and today, I wake up with a pretty big bruise right over my right hip injection site. A bit painful and slightly itchy. I can live with it though.

I was feeling pretty good actually. Even went to Target to get some things for my little boy’s Easter basket. Spent 3 hours at Target looking at and picking things out. It was actually a really good day today. Let’s hope they stay that way.

Live well. Be well. No regrets.

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