While all my friends and couples around the world marvel at the beauty of their lover’s every kiss. I wonder how many others were kissed the same way. As they revel in the ecstasy of every touch, I’m reminded of how simple it is to replace someone else’s name with mine. It’s not that I don’t believe in love, it’s just that I’ve been on the wrong side of much too many times to think that my imagined version of “love” is the only, truest, and best version.
Love is a word that can mean many things to many people. I was once told by a childhood love affair of mine that, “I just don’t know, it’s like the magic is gone.” I answered that there was no such thing as magic and we didn’t live in a fucking fairy tale. How could I have known that I’d gotten the gist of it at the ripe old age of 16.
Don’t get me wrong. I was once a huge romantic. I listened, in the dark, to prophets of doom on the radio but, I always imagined someone who would see through to everything in my soul. A John Hughes happy ending. The movies we grew up with that made us think everything was good and fair in the world. And like Jay and Silent Bob after being led down the road to Shermer, Illinois. We found out, THERE WAS NO FUCKING SHERMER, ILLINOIS. It was all part of someone’s wishful thinking. John Hughes obviously spent his high school Years fantasizing about those same scenarios he wrote about.
But, the world is not Somekind Of Wonderful, with a happy ending for the kid from the wrong side of town, the punk, tomboy romantic, the poor lost rich girl, and a fitting end for the bad guys. It’s far from as perfect as we think that would be.
I learned this when I was 18 taking my best-friend’s girl to an abortion clinic. It didn’t happen, thank god, but after the baptism it felt like it for me, with as much as I saw that little boy. But, this is the way of the imperfect world we live in. 17-18 years later, we live on and hope things turned out right. I hope MY little boy understands why his parents split up, and he grows up loving both of us, and grows up well. But, that’s all we’re left with is hope.
And for a cynic…..that’s nothing at all.