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Tag Archives: Love

How do you prove you are willing to do everything you can for someone, and that you’ve changed when the outside forces you can’t control make you seem like you haven’t.

My son’s mother had suddenly changed her tone on texts and we were having dinner and watching a movie. All very friendly. Friendlier than we had been in a long time. Suddenly a noise. she runs to see what it is and comes back with my cell phone, tosses it in my lap and says “you better answer her she seems mad.” Goodbye followed shortly after. My awkward attempt at a goodbye was “sooo, um have you met anyone?” “No I haven’t met anyone, not really” was her reply as she hugged and kissed our son farewell. WHAT AN IDIOT I AM!!!

I can see the thought formulating in her mind. ‘He’s only after me because he’s afraid I’ve met someone and he wants me to answer him because he doesn’t want to move forward without a final chance’. I can see this because four months ago I DID DO that and she egged it on “go be with someone else” But, when it happened she became so mad, our peaceful separation and midnight rendezvous became few and far between and more angry. I had betrayed her…I guess I was supposed to have stayed happy with just sex.

Today, I thought we had taken a step towards being friends. Spending time together was good until an unwarranted, unwanted text message ruined the moment. Though looking back on it, it wasn’t particularly a perfect moment. I guess nothing ever really was.

I missed my Copaxone injection today. All I wanted to do was sleep once our night together ended and it seemed like my son was on his way as well. So we slept. He’s still peacefully asleep while his daddy stays up, since two a.m., morning the emotional lose of his mother.

Let’s touch on some basics:

BE WELL: When you are healthy, even when you are fighting a chronic illness embrace it. Grab those moments with both hands.

LIVE WELL: Live up to your abilities and beyond if you can. You never know when they’ll no longer be there.

NO REGRETS: Regret will kill you as sure as disease. If you have a doubt about the morality of what you are doing. If you’d be ashamed if your child DID what you are doing or about to do. Don’t.

BE WELL! LIVE WELL!! NO REGRETS!!

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Funny how I sometimes have a hard time remembering yesterday. But, I can remember the day and way I met someone, well, what seems like an eternity ago. I remember meeting my son’s mother (insert HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER omg here). I remember how we drove around in her car, with me trying to hold her hand and kiss her at every red light. I remember when she got a call from her little sister and she asked me if I cared if we went to pick her up at her boyfriend’s? I remember waiting in the car with my AFI hood over my head as she described how her sister’s boyfriend had hit her sister. And keeping that hood on the entire time while we drove her home and she went in to her parents’ house.

I remember all of this, painfully, wishing I had known then what I know now. So I could have approached the start of things differently, and maybe the whole thing would have been different.

But the past, as they say, is a memory. We aren’t together anymore. Haven’t been since this blog was started. She couldn’t forgive my past sins and when she felt that resentment…she couldn’t resist the push apart. And I don’t blame her. I ache over it. I resent the moment of it as I was returning home from an MS-forced hospital stay. But, I truly don’t blame her for any of it. Not all sins can be forgiven or reconciled.

“When routine bites hard. And ambitions are low. And resentment rides hard. But, emotions won’t grow. And we’re changing our ways. Taking different roads. Love, love will tear us apart again.”

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