It’s been quite a long time since I’d posted a new blog. Breaking all my promise of keeping everyone involved. Two weeks ago I started walking without my cane and not feeling as weak as I had. It was really an overnight change. Seems, that I finally went into remission after a year long relapse.
Still taking Copaxone, haven’t had the eye exam required before I start on Gelinya. Fuck i procrastinate.
My son, Shea, turned THREE on May 22nd. We threw him a Thomas Party. I even BAKED the Thomas cake! God, it felt good to be able to do something I hadn’t done in over a year. Doing it for my son felt even better. i even picked him up for the first time in over a year, without fear of falling. THAT, felt even better. You start to appreciate the little things in life when you have Multiple Sclerosis.
The sad reality is I can’t even think of MS right now, and this is supposed to be an Ms blog. I’ve been sitting home, reminiscing, crying about my son’s mother. She even texted me once, “what does Best Western” mean to you?”. When I texted her back what it meant to me, her reply was that she couldn’t remember anything good, just the bad that had happened.
I’ll fill you in, we had decided to go to Warped Tour ’06, at that point we weren’t engaged yet. A girl I had a sexual encounter with and worked with, texted something that upset her. We ended up fighting at Warped Tour in Pittsburgh. But there was a ton of special memories that happened that day. And for me, before the argument and on the way home, it was when I decided I wanted to marry her. This happened again on our flight back from Florida in ’07. A woman I hadn’t seen since ’05 texted me on the flight home.She didn’t believe me, I know, but, she didn’t leave me. She was/is an incredibly strong woman.
I was a complete jerk after my ex, Rachel, had broken up with me.I had left my ex-wife for her and after ten months it was over. She left me via IM on my first day of work at a new job. So after her I became a womanizing jerk.My exploits during that time were legend, and my son’s mother, having been a friend since before the break up, knew EVERYTHING.
I don’t know exactly what happened to convince her to pack up our son and leave me. It was right after a hospital stay for an exacerbation, and my unemployment had run out. I had so much on my mind at the time, I didn’t realize anything was wrong. I was trying to keep us in our apartment. She had been saying before the break up, that we should go back home and not spend the last of my savings. she had threatened me with leaving if i didn’t go to the hospital during my exacerbation. Then she left me on the day I got home. I guess she really had time to think about how horrible I was while she was at her parents on those weekends she had started to go away.
She says she hates my personality, that I’m too quick to make friends and that I flirt with everyone without realizing. She says she loves me but, can’t let herself go back to that place she was in before. I say, I realize what an asshole I was, I know the horrible things I did and let happen, I also know how important she was to me, and how I’m willing to crawl on my hands and knees for the chance to show her.
I’ve been listening to the most depressing songs I could find today. But, i realize the song she asked me to download for her and make a CD of, “Jar Of Hearts”, is about us. She may not realize it, I always read into song lyrics way too much but, it is us.